Goodness of God

It was a cold day in December, I had gone through a series of tests and on 30th December 2019 we were supposed to see the doctor to get my results. The doctor made us wait a bit and then told me and my wife that I had a rare type of cancer - "Thymus Carcinoma" in the fourth stage.

It sounded complicated and we did not know how to react, we came back home and we let it sink in. That evening and night was not something I wish anyone has to go through. As a Christian, I also thought, God is punishing me for my many sins and there is no way back, it's all over now. I was worried about a lot of things for my family, finances and my kids' future to name a few. The one thing that also worried me was I also going to hell for all I had done, certainly if this happened to me I am not a good person.

Immediately, I remembered the criminal on the cross besides Jesus. All was over for him, I felt like him. I simply said to Jesus what he said - "Lord I am a sinner, getting what I deserve. You are the son of God, Jesus, remember me in your kingdom". When I said this, I felt peace in me. Even if everything goes bad, I remembered what Jesus said - "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise." Even on the cross, here is Jesus assuring a criminal who is calling on Him, there was no way He would abandon me when I called to Him.

The doctor gave us a plan - Chemotherapy, surgery and then radiation. It would take 6-7 months to get through this. My Chemotherapy started in January. Through prayers of His people like you and His supreme grace, God upheld me. I had to go almost every week to the hospital to get Chemotherapy, stay in for the night and come back home the next day. As a lot of people will tell you, Chemotherapy is not easy. The Lord sustained me through it, things were difficult but God strengthened me and I felt His grace every single day.

Then in March, the world was hit by the Corona virus pandemic. For a couple of days, I was very worried, I was not sure how my treatment will continue and what will happen now. The word of God was my only hope and support those days. God held me and despite some additional restrictions, my chemos went as planned.

I cannot describe how God kept my spirit and body up in those days and in May I was scheduled for a big surgery. The doctors wanted to do something called "hot chemotherapy" which meant my surgery time would be around 10-12 hours. On a normal day someone would be scared to hear this but both me and my wife trusted God. We knew if Jesus wanted me to stay alive even a 12 hour surgery would do me no harm. By this time we had seen so much love from God and the touch of His Holy Spirit that I went to the operation room smiling and came out of it praising God. My wife was at home praying all this time, she could not even see me because of the Corona virus precautions in the hospital.

God sustained me on the hospital bed, and to the doctor's surprise I was fit enough to go back home in 3 weeks. I cannot describe to you how good Jesus is, when we are in the storm He is carrying us. This is my testimony, I had surrendered it all to Jesus. I did not have the mental or physical strength to go through a big surgery or for my stay in the hospital with all the wires and pipes sticking out of me. But I do not think I had a moment when I did not feel the presence of Jesus by my side. Every time I called, He was besides me and He is there still to this very day.

I came back home and from end of June I was scheduled for radiation therapy - once a day for 5 weeks. Again God was kind and I was assigned a hospital which was close to my home so I did not have to travel for 2 hours to get a 30 minutes treatment. There were some difficult days where I would cough a lot but God poured His love on me everyday. Every time I was in pain, I prayed and sang praises and would see my discomfort evaporate within minutes.

Since the end of July my radiation therapy has ended and now I am recovering back to my normal self. The doctors have called me in at the end of September to do some scans to see how things are going. We trust God that He is good and His plans are good so we are not worried. We also know that God has been with us so far, He will not leave us now. With God on our side, we do not worry about what will happen in future.

What else can I say, there are so many blessings we got from God during this time that we cannot even recall them all. Since coming to Germany many years ago we have been praying for my wife to get a job. She is a teacher by experience and without German language proficiency it was very difficult for her to find a job. This year, amid the pandemic she was literally gifted a job by God in an international school where they did not care about her German as much as a normal school would, plus the school is super close to where we live.

During all this time, I was able to work part-time except during my surgery. God helped my kids to grow in His love. He protected us from the Corona virus. God also kept us out of financial stress which is so common with long running medical treatments. Truly, God's love is everlasting and His mercy is forever. We all read the word of God and during difficult times His word comes alive in amazing ways. A lot of us must have read the book of Psalms many times, but for us we literally saw it come true, like Psalm 25 or Psalm 30, I will just mention a few verses -

From Psalm 25

No one who hopes in you
will ever be put to shame

From Psalm 30

You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever.

I found out that every word of God in the Bible is true, from His promises to His warnings. He is so good and He will never let us go. His plan is to be with us for eternity and whatever may come He is strong enough to teach us or to save us so that we may never go outside His plan.

Update on 07-October-2020

As I mentioned above, I was scheduled for a check-up at the end of September. I went through a CT Scan, a bronchoscopy and a MRI. The MRI was needed since the doctors suspected something in my kidney. God sustained me again as we waited for the reports. We trusted God and we knew when we are with Him, His plans are for our good only. As I read in Psalms 107 -

Some of you were sick because you’d lived a bad life,
your bodies feeling the effects of your sin;
You couldn’t stand the sight of food,
so miserable you thought you’d be better off dead.
Then you called out to God in your desperate condition;
he got you out in the nick of time.
He spoke the word that healed you,
that pulled you back from the brink of death.
So thank God for his marvelous love,
for his miracle mercy to the children he loves;
Offer thanksgiving sacrifices,
tell the world what he’s done—sing it out!

Today on 07-Oct-2020, we got all the results and with God's grace all my sickness and cancer is gone. Jesus listens to each and every prayer. I live because of His grace and my life is a testimony that every word of the Bible is true and tested. God is there for us and He loves us. No one who runs to Him ever regrets it!